The last few weeks have been some of the most weary and stressful of our lives. The constant to-do list, the constant cleaning, and the constant readiness. This selling a house business with 5 small children pretty much stinks, but it isn’t the hardest part. The hardest part is the reminder of what it means.
It’s coming. This move is coming at me like a speeding freight train that I just want to ignore. I can’t slow it down. I can’t change its course. It is my reality and I must accept it. But I don’t like it.
The language around our house is starting to change. There are more acronyms being used, words that haven’t been on the tips of our tongues the last 3 years of shore duty. We are going through the frustrating process of using government websites to move our household goods. We are buying uniforms for a school we have never even visited, trusting God’s leading and peace for another big change. Whether we like it or not this is happening and it is hard.
I have begun to realize just how much I have settled in and called Charleston home. How I let my hair down and made true heart friends, free of fears of the future. How I have taken complete ownership over my home without viewing it as another white wall, not worth the nail hole that will need to be filled later. How this time has let me forget what this military life is really like.
Most of the time I am a good military wife. Usually I will tell you with a smile that I embrace change and love the adventure. That I am so proud we serve our country and I hope my boys follow in their daddy’s footsteps. But some days it is hard, really hard. The change is hard. The new cities, houses, friends, churches, etc are all hard. And for these past years I have forgotten. I have forgotten all that change and called a place home. Now I must accept it is coming again.
So I will be strong. I will take a deep breath and do my duty. I will once again prepare for long days and even longer deployments. I will love my children and do my best to comfort them and where I can’t the Lord will. Because in all things He is good and He is there. He is there in the lonely moments. He is there when life seems overwhelming. He is there even when my precious husband cannot be.
So for now I will be sad. I will cry and grieve this beautiful place. But I will also look forward to what is coming. Look forward to the new friendships and adventures that are some of the BEST parts of this life. I may not be able to stop this train but I am so grateful that even when life is completely out of my control God is in control. He is going before us. He is preparing a new life for us and even though it may be hard, I know it will be good. Because He is good.