It had been a super long day.
All of our help had left. I had been back at this solo mommy thing for a little over a week and Paul was working his third late night in that time. My evening had been filled with overly energetic boys due to the cold weather and I had fished a dirty plunger out of a bathtub full of clean children. I had finally wrestled them all in bed only to have spent the last hour sitting in the dark holding a screaming baby girl… longing for my cold dinner waiting for me in the microwave. The tears streaming down my face.
All I could do was cry with her.
Why does this motherhood gig have to be so freakin’ hard? Sometimes I even wonder why the Lord quite literally saved my life for this? For these long days wiping poop and breaking up fights. For the days when I can’t remember if I ate breakfast… or lunch for that matter. For the days when I haven’t sat down to rest for a second yet still can’t see the floor due to the mess. For the days when I am convinced I am royally screwing it all up?
I admit. Sometimes I want out. Sometimes I wish I could put on pretty clothes and go be amazing at a corporate job. Somedays I feel like that yellow bus calls my name. Sometimes I just want to walk out the door and never come back. But I don’t. I wipe one more nose. Make one more sandwich. Wrap one more swaddle. Teach one more lesson. Give one more hug.
The reality is, I think it is supposed to be hard. We have been entrusted with the responsibility of raising humans. I would even venture to say it is the hardest job in the world, raising the next generation. In those times when I am ready to quit I try to step back and think about the value of pressing through the hard times. Things of value often require work and my children, they are valuable. The most valuable things the Lord has given me.
I think the biggest favor we as moms can do ourselves is to recognize that this IS hard. That despite what we see on instagram or at Target, we all struggle. We all have days where we feel like we aren’t cutting it. And you know what? That’s ok. We need to give ourselves permission to just let the tears fall somedays. Because while there are immense blessings in motherhood, there are also many struggles. The only way I can make it through these long days are by crying out to the Lord. He has called us to do this incredible job and He will equip us to make it through each day.
Each season of motherhood seems impossible. Sometimes it seems we won’t be able to make it to the next. But it is the Lord’s work in us that allows us to not only make it through but see the fruit of our labor. It is his strength that gives us the ability to press on.
So on the days when I am ready to throw in the towel. The days when I question why the Lord called me to stay at home or homeschool. The days when I am CONVINCED I am not enough. I remember the promises of His word “that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion…”* Because, while I know it is hard… it is WORTH IT.
*Philippians 1:6b ESV